


I'm Disgusting

by navi_senpai



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, blowjob, slight ptsd kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 20:48:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10647789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navi_senpai/pseuds/navi_senpai
Summary: After a steamy make out session things escalate but eventually shit hits the fan.





	1. Panic

Masato sat at his little floor desk, he looked over the blank paper. He for some reason couldn’t think for some reason. He just sighed and closed his notebook.

“Having trouble there Masa?” Ren asked smirking from his bed.

“Leave me alone Ren, I’m working on something for Hinami.” He could feel Ren’s pout on the back of his neck.

“I can’t believe you give her more attention than you give me, your boyfriend.”

“Like I’ve said multiple times, romance is against the rules. As much I’d love to kiss you right now, we can’t.” It was honestly hard to tell if that last line was sarcasm or not for both the boys.

“Quote, romance between the sexes is forbidden, end quote. It never once states any rule against _same_ sex relationships. So come over and kiss me.” Masato sat there in thought on this. He wasn’t breaking the rules, it just didn’t seem right. Even if he did want to kiss Ren, it’s not like he would do it so boldly.

“No.” He waited for the others reply but just heard a light creak of him moving off his bed and move over to him. He refused to turn and look at him, so he fixated on the pencil cup. He felt Ren sit behind him on the floor and rest his hands around his waist, pulling them close. He planted a kiss on the back of kiss neck, a shiver running through him as his soft lips made contact with his sensitive skin.

He then proceeded to pepper kisses along his neck and hairline. The kisses snaked their way to his ear where he felt a soft nibble on his tender earlobe, he let out a small moan. If his face wasn’t the color of Otoya’s hair before it was now. After a solid five minutes of the non stop kisses Masato caved. He pushed back into his chest and pulled his legs out, he stood up grabbed Ren’s hand and dragged then to the other’s side of the room.

“Wow, Masa! So scandalous, taking me to bed already.” This made him two things. One, even more flustered, and two, mad.

With an angry sigh he muttered out, “Damnit Ren, do you want to make out with me or not?” In reply Ren jumped on him wrapping his arms around neck, his soft bed broke their fall. They got situated, Ren sat their with the Masato Hijirikawa in his lap, whose eyes refused to meet his and whose face was a deep shade of red.

“Can I kiss you now?” Ren asked which made him look him in the eyes and do the faintest nod. Ren then leaned in planting a soft chaste kiss on his lips. He then planted another kiss this one a little deeper allowing Masato to start a rhythm. He could feel Ren’s hands slide down to his hips, then down to his butt. He grabbed his butt and pulled them closer, a soft whine came from him as their bodies pressed against each other.

They had kissed before, but never with this much intensity, this much body movement, never making it hot enough to get him half hard in his jeans, much like he was now. Their lips broke apart as Ren kissed down his jaw and to his neck where he left little bites and red marks. He’s going to have to find away to get these hickeys covered. He’ll just ask Tomo, he wouldn’t want to bother Nanami, that pure child.

He leaned his body forward into his, he grinded his hips into his, just testing the waters of whatever that would be going down tonight. He heard a groan muffled by his neck, he could also feel Ren squeezing his ass and slowly pulling them even closer. By now he was not only well aware of the hard length in his jeans but also Ren’s hard on. Their hips started moving together, and just by a few light grinds, he let moan slip through his teeth.

“Hmmm, your jeans look awfully tight, can I help fix that?” Ren whispered into his ear, Masato panicked.

“I’m a virgin!” He blurted out, seeing it was the first thing is his head. He slowly withered in embarrassment, his back hitting the bed.

“Yeah I know, I was planning on just blowing you anyway.” Masato gaped at him propping himself up on his elbows.

“Blowing?”

“You are an eighteen year old boy, how do you not know this?”

“I grew up in a strict household, plus I never watched porn or even masturbated much. I mean I _have_ but not like you who seems to be jacking off every night, to gay threesome porn.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’m a light sleeper and you never fully plug your headphones in. You also moan very loudly,” Let’s just say it’s been some fuel for the times he has masturbated and all the times he ever has matsurbated have been within the time of sharing a dorm with him. It also helps when he moans Masato’s name which has happened on more than several occasions.

“Okay back to trying to blow you. Blowing is when you take this,” he pointed to his mouth, “and suck on this” he then pointed to the tent he was sporting. He his face somehow grew redder as he imagined Ren’s soft lips, along with his tongue teasing his tip. He quickly stripped of his sweater and shirt.

“I want you Ren.” Ren nodded and followed by slipping out of his shirt. Masato laid against the soft silk sheets, Ren straddled him and kissed him deeply, he licked his bottom lip and he opened his mouth and lets the other’s tongue explore his mouth. He honestly didn’t know how to feel about this tongue kissing stuff. It was messy and his mouth felt very full and excess saliva was running out of the corners of his mouth and down his chin.

Ren pulled out of the kiss to go and peck his beauty mark. He the trailed down his neck and his chest leaving small purple and red spots on his skin. He then reached his nipples, playing with them with his mouth making them bright red.

 _Disgusting._ That word echoed in his head, in a familiar voice. _You are disgusting, how could you chose such a life style._ The words kept repeating but they slowly became his words, it was him against himself. _Look at yourself you faggot._ All those awful things were now being said by himself to himself. It was like looking in a mirror but your reflection is your worst enemy, who knows your one weakness.

Ren pulled down his jeans leaving his boxer which didn’t leave much to the imagination. Masato sat there legs spread, frozen. _You're, yo- I am disgusting. I am disgusting. I bet you like dick up your ass you filthy queer._ He heard all these things in his own voice. He felt the waistband of his boxer briefs start to shift down, he grabbed Ren’s hands and pushed him off of him as well as he could for someone uncontrollably shaking.

“Masato,” There was concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m disgusting,” He whispered. Tears pooled in his eyes, a single tear rolled down his face. He curled himself up under a crumpled blanket.

“What was that Masa? I couldn’t understand you,” He said softly trying to comfort his shaking partner.

“I’m disgusting, I’m a faggot, I am a filthy queer.” He was full out sobbing now.

“Who said these, I swear to god I’ll kill them.” Ren grit his teeth as he tried pulling him over but he only scooted away still wrapped in the blanket.

“I said them! I said them! I said them!” He just kept shouting and sobbing. Masato could tell it was probably painful to watch. After ten minutes of him just sobbing, Ren finally got him to lay his head down in his lap. He ran his fingers through his hair as he just sniffled and let out a few hics. After his breath and evened and wiped his face, he whispered, “My dad.”

“What?”

“My dad said all those things to me. He said I was disgusting and filthy and that I would never be his son. He would hit me and scream at me, calling me all kinds of other names.” This was the first time he had ever told anyone this. Over the years the bruises faded, cuts healed, but maybe it wasn’t the physical pain that his father caused that left these long lasting wounds, His father had made him disgusted with himself, internalized that hate.

Ren pulled him out of the blanket bundle and pulled him to his side. He covered both of them, they sat back to chest as he continued to play with Masato’s deep blue hair.

“You aren’t disgusting, you aren’t filthy, you are perfect, you are beautiful. You are one of a kind and that’s why I, Ren Jinguji, love you, Masato Hijirikawa.” He could feel the pricks of tears in his eyes but these tears were different. They sat there spooning as their heart’s beat together, as one.        


	2. Porn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically the same chapter but without the panic and all the porn.

Masato sat at his little floor desk, he looked over the blank paper. He for some reason couldn’t think for some reason. He just sighed and closed his notebook. 

“Having trouble there Masa?” Ren asked smirking from his bed. 

“Leave me alone Ren, I’m working on something for Hinami.” He could feel Ren’s pout on the back of his neck. 

“I can’t believe you give her more attention than you give me, your boyfriend.” 

“Like I’ve said multiple times, romance is against the rules. As much I’d love to kiss you right now, we can’t.” It was honestly hard to tell if that last line was sarcasm or not for both the boys sitting there. 

“Quote, romance between the sexes is forbidden, end quote. It never once states any rule against  _ same  _ sex relationships. So come over and kiss me.” Masato sat there in thought on this. He wasn’t breaking the rules, it just didn’t seem right. Even if he did want to kiss Ren, it’s not like he would do it so boldly.

“No.” He waited for the others reply but just heard a light creak of him moving off his bed and move over to him. He refused to turn and look at him, so he fixated on the pencil cup. He felt Ren sit behind him on the floor and rest his hands around his waist, pulling them close. He planted a kiss on the back of kiss neck, a shiver running through him as his soft lips made contact with his sensitive skin. 

He then proceeded to pepper kisses along his neck and hairline. The kisses snaked their way to his ear where he felt a soft nibble on his tender earlobe, he let out a small moan. If his face wasn’t the color of Otoya’s hair before it was now. After a solid five minutes of the non stop kisses Masato caved. He pushed back into chest and pulled his legs out, he stood up grabbed Ren’s hand and dragged then to the other’s side of the room. 

“Wow, Masa! So scandalous, taking me to bed already.” This made him two things. One, even more flustered, and two, mad. 

With an angry sigh he muttered out, “Damnit Ren, do you want to make out with me or not?” In reply Ren jumped on him wrapping his arms around neck, his soft bed broke their fall. They got situated, Ren sat their with the Masato Hijirikawa in his lap, whose eyes refused to meet his and whose face was a deep shade of red. 

“Can I kiss you now?” Ren asked which made him look him in the eyes and do the faintest nod. Ren then leaned in planting a soft chaste kiss on his lips. He then planted another kiss this one a little deeper allowing Masato to start a rhythm. He could feel Ren’s hands slide down to his hips, then down to his butt. He grabbed his butt and pulled them closer, a soft whine came from him as their bodies pressed against each other. 

They had kissed before, but never with this much intensity, this much body movement, never making it hot enough to get him half hard in his jeans, much like he was now. Their lips broke apart as Ren kissed down his jaw and to his neck where he left little bites and red marks. He’s going to have to find away to get these hickeys covered. He’ll just ask Tomo, he wouldn’t want to bother Nanami, that pure child. 

He leaned his body forward into his, he grinded his hips into his, just testing the waters of whatever that would be going down tonight. He heard a groan muffled by his neck, he could also feel Ren squeezing his ass and slowly pulling them even closer. By now he was not only well aware of the hard length in his jeans but also Ren’s hard on. Their hips started moving together, and just by a few light grinds, he let moan slip through his teeth. 

“Hmmm, your jeans look awfully tight, can I help fix that?” Ren whispered into his ear, Masato panicked. 

“I’m a virgin!” He blurted out, seeing it was the first thing is his head. He slowly withered in embarrassment, his back hitting the bed. 

“Yeah I know, I was planning on just blowing you anyway.” Masato gaped at him propping himself up on his elbows. 

“Blowing?” 

“You are an eighteen year old boy, how do you not know this?” 

“I grew up in a strict household, plus I never watched porn or even masturbated much. I mean I  _ have _ but not like you who seems to be jacking off every night, to gay threesome porn.” 

“How do you know that?”

“I’m a light sleeper and you never fully plug your headphones in. You also moan very loudly,” Let’s just say it’s been some fuel for the times he has masturbated and all the times he ever has matsurbated have been within the time of sharing a dorm with him. It also helps when he moans Masato’s name which has happened on more than several occasions. 

“Okay back to trying to blow you. Blowing is when you take this,” he pointed to his mouth, “and suck on this” he then pointed to the tent he was sporting. He his face somehow grew redder as he imagined Ren’s soft lips, along with his tongue teasing his tip. He quickly stripped of his sweater and shirt. 

“I want you Ren.” Ren nodded and followed by slipping out of his shirt. Masato laid against the soft silk sheets, Ren straddled him and kissed him deeply, he licked his bottom lip and he opened his mouth and lets the other’s tongue explore his mouth. He honestly didn’t know how to feel about this tongue kissing stuff. It was messy and his mouth felt very full and excess saliva was running out of the corners of his mouth and down his chin. 

Ren pulled out of the kiss to go and peck his beauty mark. He the trailed down his neck and his chest leaving small purple and red spots on his skin. He then reached his nipples, playing with them with his mouth making them bright red. He twisted his red perky nipples with his teeth, not biting down hard enough to hurt him but just enough to turn him on even more. He let a small whimper our lifted his hips only to rub into his chest. 

“Call down my love, I’m getting there.” He left his nipples leaving them still hard but now cold with the lack of his hot mouth. He stuck his tongue out and trailed it down the rest of his body till he reached his boxers.  He hooked his teeth on the edge of his boxers, pulling them down, letting his cock spring up, a small amount of precum leaking from the tip. 

He laid in between his thighs. He could feel Ren nipping and sucking at his pale thighs leaving red marks. He winked at Masato before he engulfed his cock with his mouth. A loud moan ripped from his mouth as he bobbed his head along his length, his skilled tongue wrapped around him as he thrusted his hips into his mouth. His cock hit the back of his throat, he was surprised he didn’t gag. I mean he knew he was ‘experienced’ but never knew the extent of that experience. Ren popped off of him and started focusing on the tip. He ran his tongue over the head making him twitch and gasp.  

“Ah, Ren,” Heat pooled in his stomach, he could feel himself coming close to release but he refused to let go just yet.  Ren then moved back to bobbing his head, he could feel his nose brushing up against pubic hair almost tickling him. He thrusted in time as Ren reached a hand up to massage his balls. He was so close to unraveling but he didn’t want this to end. Ren started to hum around him pushed him over the edge. He came in his mouth, Ren swallowing down everything, he even licked his lips to get the little bit that slipped out of his mouth. 

“Delicious,” Ren whispered as he looked over the sleeping Masato. He pulled them under a blanket and he then too fell asleep under the soft blanket.  


End file.
